Two lonely, Annie and Max in the new town, they were coming to study in Oxford. They moved from another towns, just with their luggage and their mind.
Annie was moved very nice and small house, edge of the town. She didn’t had any friends, or no one who can say good morning, or hello to her. She was shy, and she thought that she never ever found nobody who share everything with her. Annie was still excited about the new school, she thought that she started like a new life, and she was going to find someone, or something..
And what about Max..he had just a similar story than Annie had.. a new town, new school, new life.. Max really really needed someone who listened him and walked across the nightly city streets, someone who could wake up next to him..
Oh my god, one very sunny day Annie and Max met each other in the school, they stared at each other, their life stopped…But the big question was; could they ever see each other..?
Luckily Max saw Annie at his corner store, he followed Annie, and was amazed when he realized that Annie was his neighbor!! He screamed Annie’s name, and Annie noticed that. Then they walked across the street hand in hand…❤
They were so happy , they were found someones. Annie wasn’t lonely anymore, she had Max. Max, who listened her every time. That was so important to Annie. Now also Max got his Annie, a friend like Annie was.. Ahhh and rest of the story is just a history.. ❤
Crypt of Creativity 
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May 13, 2012 at 10:10 pm
asma95
Hey,
first of all you picked a nice topic, 🙂 I personally like very much the love stories, when they are not too obvious or cliche.
You story could have had a little bit more colorful vocabulary though. I can see some grammatical errors in the tenses, but it doesn’t make the story any worse. 🙂 I actually liked your idea; two lonely persons goes to new place, new life heading and then they meet each other, and then find the person they needed. (‘Walking hand in hand’, I liked that, as they met quite fast and started liking each other quite fast.) You used media appearance well, using that picture was a great idea! “True love starts somewhere” <–love that quote.
You understood the task quite well (the story might have a bit of cliches though)
So I think you did pretty good work.
May 18, 2012 at 5:01 pm
Heidi
Contents: lovely, heart-warming love story everyone can easily identify with. After all, we all need someone to love! 🙂 However, this time the storyline was a bit flat. There was no actual climax to your story, and I must say that I actually missed it. Remember that all good stories have a catch or a turning point that makes the reader reflect and crave for more. Therefore, next time work on the climax of your story.
Grammar: satisfactory. Concentrate on how you put your sentences together (do not just write a sentence after the other and put a comma in between). If the sentences are more closely woven together, the story will be more fluent and reader friendly. And all this can be achieved by paying attention to the various connectives. Have a look at these two exercises online:
http://www.usingenglish.com/quizzes/421.html
http://a4esl.org/q/h/9901/gc-connectives.html
Tips for revision:
-Annie and Max, two lonely people in A new town, were GOING to study AT Oxford. (word order + articles + prepositions)
-_other towns
-carrying with them only their luggage and thoughts.
-Annie moved to A…
-ON the edge of the town / in the outskirts of the town
-didn’t HAVE (did + perusmuoto!)
-to whom she could say good morning or hello.
-she would never find ANYbody to share everything with. (double negative!)
-she had started to like her new life. Therefore she had decided to find someone or…
-a similar story to Annie’s
-A new school, A new life (articles)
-really (omit the second one 🙂 )
-who would listen to him and walk along…
-someone to wake up with
-the interjection “Oh my God” is unnecessary here–> omit
-ON one very sunny day, AT school (prepositions)
– .They stared at….and it felt as if life….
-One day M.saw A. in a nearby store. He followed her home and was…
-He called her by her name and she…
-They had found each other
-listened TO her ALL THE TIME
-aaah?
-the rest of the story is _ history
Media and apperance: I agree with your opponent; your picture is apt and very well chosen. 🙂